Think it! Write it! Read it!
So I decided to do a pic-story today.
I found this on the streets of Lagos on Saturday.
![WP_20181117_16_00_07_Pro_(2)[1]](http://www.olubukolasthoughts.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/WP_20181117_16_00_07_Pro_21-1.jpg)
![WP_20181117_16_00_05_Pro_(2)[1]](http://www.olubukolasthoughts.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/WP_20181117_16_00_05_Pro_21.jpg)
In case you are still wondering what this is; it is a keke marwa being “manually fork-lifted” by a cart pusher.
I found it quite fascinating but oh well, this is Lagos and people have to survive.
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Photo Credit: Olubukola’s phone
“Aunty, I took care of your car while you were away”. The man said.
I looked at him briefly and ignored him.
“You have a nice car and you are very pretty.”
I tapped the unlock button on the car remote once and eased in. I locked the door and started the car.
“Aunty I just need hundred naira.” He said through the wound-up window. “Please Aunty….” He kept saying as I drove off.
*****
This is the fourth time this well spoken man probably in his late 40s or early 50s would be accosting me. He walks the length and breadth of the popular streets in Surulere every day. The first time he accosted me, I did not realize he had a problem. As I eased into the marwa that was to take me to my destination at about 6:15a.m, he walked up to me and complimented my hair. I had packed it all up and it fell like the leaves of a palm tree around my head.
“Aunty, I like the way you packed your hair. It makes you look like an African beauty.”
“Thank you.” I had replied as I looked away and hoped the marwa would fill up on time so we could move. I was already running late and not in the mood for any chit-chat with anyone early in the morning.
“I just need hundred naira, please.” He had asked.
It was at that point I actually looked at him. A tall, well spoken man begging for hundred naira early in the morning. I was confused.
Thankfully, the marwa filled up and the driver eased in and drove off.
The second encounter with him was in the afternoon. I was walking with my son. As we attempted to cross the road, he looked at my son and smiled at him.
“How are you? Hope you are taking care of mummy.”
“I am fine, thank you.” My son replied.
I immediately recognized him and I held tightly to my son as we crossed the road.
“Aunty, please I need just hundred naira.”
On my third encounter with him, I had stopped to buy suya from my regular customer. He walked up to me and said; “I thought you had a baby on your back. I didn’t realize it was your knapsack.”
He started with his compliments as usual and kept talking. I ignored him and faced my business. He asked for hundred naira and when he realized I wasn’t looking at him, he walked away.
The guy selling suya to me smiled and I asked if he knew him.
“Yes, I know am well well. He dey waka everywhere dey ask for hundred naira.”
“Ahn…ahn…” I lamented.
“I hear say na this street im papa house dey. Dem say after im papa die, na so he kolo.”
“Wow!!!” I exclaimed. “He no get family?”
“Dem say im brother just leave am for house. I hear say he don travel comot.”
I paid for my suya, thanked the guy and walked away.
Whether the story about his father dying, his brother travelling out and leaving him alone is true or not, I have no idea. But one thing is sure, the man needs help and it seems like he has been left to his fate.
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Photo Credit: http://www.chinalawandpolicy.com
“I cannot collect this 100 naira. Please change it for me.” The lady said.
“I no get another one.”
“Please change it. No one will collect it from me.”
“I say I no get another one. Dem go collect am no worry. Wón ti cancel 100 naira, kò sí mó ní ta.” (The 100 naira has been cancelled. It is no longer available). The marwa driver said to the lady impatiently.
The lady refused to budge as she pointed the dirty, torn and cello-taped 100 naira to the driver.
“Aunty, no waste my time nau. Abeg, get down make I dey go. Mo ní wón ti cancel 100 naira.” (I said they have cancelled the 100 naira). He repeated.
I looked at the lady refusing to collect the money and the other passenger (a lady also) seated beside her. The three of us burst out into laughter as if on cue. The elderly man seated gingerly beside the driver smiled. “Ta ló sö fún ë pé wón cancel e?” (Who told you it has been cancelled). He asked as he looked at him.
“Kò sí n ta mó.” (It is no longer available). The driver replied.
“Wön ò cancel è. Wön kò ò print è mó ni.” (It has not been cancelled. They have only stopped printing it).
“Aunty ë jò ó, ë jé, owó ni.” (Aunty, please eat it. It is money).
The other lady passenger and I looked at the lady still holding the money. We both had smirks on our faces.
“Oya give me 500, make I give you 600.” The driver eventually said.
The lady opened her bag, pulled out a 500 naira note and was given three 200 naira notes in return.
She eased out of the marwa and we continued our journey with the elderly man laughing at the driver as he repeated his statement about eating the money.
****
In recent times, with the unavailability of clean 100 naira notes, I have also had to avoid buying things that would make me receive the note. Most of the notes in circulation are in a sorry state and you begin to wonder as there are so many insinuations about the note.
Does anyone still have clean and new 100 naira notes in their possession? Do well to share ?
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Photo Credit: http://www.naijaquest.com
During the era of the old Oshodi, I remember driving home from work one evening. It was about 7:30p.m. I had just driven out of Mafoluku area and turned into Lagos-Abeokuta Expressway when my car decided to die right at Bolade bus-stop on the fast lane.
Not now, I sighed. I knew what the problem was, I just needed to wait it out. My windows were always wound up almost to the top with a little space for air to come in; can’t be caught napping in Oshodi. All doors were always locked. If the central lock does not work, I take my time to lock all doors individually.
As I sat in the car, I looked into my rear view mirror intermittently and stayed conscious of my environment. Cars zoomed past as I waited for the engine to cool off. A few minutes into my wait, an area boy came towards the car and stood beside me. He tapped on my door. “Open the bonnet make I help you check am.” He said in his croaky voice.
“Thank you.” I replied through the wound-up window but I refused to pull the lever to open the bonnet. I ain’t letting any area boy touch my car at this time of the night; I said to myself (especially as I was sure of what the problem was).
Soon, another area boy appeared by my right. He tried to open the passenger door and realized it was locked. “Open the door, make we help you push am comot for road.” I looked to the left and to the right; an area boy on each side. I began to pray in my heart that the engine would cool off on time. There were no street lights and the only source of light was from cars passing by.
“Open this door, ah…ahn, abi you want make I break your side mirror?” The guy by the driver’s side said as he tried to open my door.
I turned the ignition and the engine roared to life all of a sudden. The guy beside me realizing what had just happened made an attempt to pull my side mirror. I swerved the car to his side, he jumped back and I immediately swerved to the right towards the other guy before zooming off. As the car screeched and raised some dust in the air, I drove off heaving a sigh of relief and saying a silent thank you to God.
Oshodi – A place in Lagos where your courage is tested.
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Photo Credit: https://www.adromeda.com.ng
The church hall was filled with various colourful headgears representing various families.
The nine brides stood by their grooms; an expectant look on their faces. Each bride and groom had a chief bridesmaid and a best man standing behind them. The minister looked at them. “This is to the grooms. Please face your bride and repeat after me. I…..”
“I…..” The grooms chorused.
“Mention your names.” The minister continued. “Do take you, please mention your bride’s name – to be my lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, from this day forward, till death do us part and according to God’s law. This I solemnly vow.” The grooms repeated.
The church gave a round of applause as the minister repeated the same vows to the brides.
The tenth bride put her hands under her veil and dabbed her eyes incessantly. She was the only bride still facing the minister while the others faced their grooms. Even though the air-conditioner was blowing at full blast, her palms were wet with sweat. She moved the bouquet of flowers in her hands from the right to the left and turned to look at the door every minute. Her chief bridesmaid fanned her vigorously when she noticed the beads of sweat on her head. She heard only half of what the minister said. Her mind was in turmoil. She was barely listening when she noticed that the grooms were about unveiling their brides. Tears gathered in her eyes and she bit her lip to stop them from spilling.
Two of the grooms’ friends stood outside the church gate while another stood just outside the church hall. The men at the gate fidgeted as they strained their necks and scrutinized every motor bike that passed by. Where could he be? They asked each other every minute. There were no mobile phones and they had no idea where or how to look for him. If they decided to make the journey to his house, they were sure not to meet him at home. It was definite he would be on his way but what could have taken him so long to get to the church when he knew what time the church service was meant to start. Their friend who stood outside the hall monitored the church proceedings. He gasped and put his hand on his head. The minister had declared the newest couples and was about to show them to the whole church.
Just then, the groom ran into the church hall with his best man in tow. He hurriedly unveiled his wife and put the ring on her finger. The minister smiled as he asked the ten couples to face the church and declared them the newest couples in town.
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Photo Credit: https://www.123rf.com
The yellow volkswagen buses used for transportation majorly in most cities in Nigeria are referred to as “Danfo” in local parlance. I have no idea where the name originated from but once the word “danfo” is mentioned any where in Naija, every one understands.
A ride in one of these buses reveal a combination of various characters. I took a ride in one recently and the following ensued. An elderly lady who I will call “Alhaja Trouble” had put her baggage in the boot of the danfo and told the driver that she would pay 100 naira as extra for the baggage.
Now, it is a known fact that danfo drivers in naija do not carry baggages for free. The driver told Alhaja Trouble that he would not carry her load for 100 naira as fuel had become scarce and expensive.
Alhaja Trouble told the driver that she and her friend were going on this ride, baggage inclusive. This meant she would be paying 500 naira (the ride cost 200 naira). She expected the total cost to appeal to the driver. Unfortunately, he was not impressed.
Driver: Mi ò lè gbé ërù yën ní iye yën, Alhaja (I can’t carry the baggage for that amount, Alhaja).
Alhaja Trouble: Ah,ah, a dè n bè yín. Àwa náà máà ní mótò o. Èyin lë ma kókó ní mótò ni? (I have been pleading, we also own a vehicle. Are you the first to have one?)
Driver: Ë è bá gbé mótò yín wá nígbà yën (You should have brought your vehicle then).
Alhaja Trouble: O rí ë ò pé ni (You are nuts).
Driver: Àwön ömö yín ni orí wön ò pé (It is your children that are nuts).
Trust naija, a fight is never complete without insulting the other party’s family members.
Alhaja Trouble: Màá fi ojú ë rí nkan léèní (I will deal with you today).
This is getting interesting as I wonder how Alhaja Trouble intends to deal with the driver.
Alhaja Peace (the supposed friend who is riding with Alhaja Trouble) had all the while been sitting in the bus quietly.
Alhaja Peace: Alhaja, ë fi sílè. Ó ti tó. Ë má sòrò mó (Alhaja, leave him alone. It is okay. Don’t flog the issue).
But Alhaja Trouble will have none of that. She reports the driver to another driver (I presume, the head of drivers) who tries to talk sense into both parties.
Alhaja Trouble is shouting while Driver is also cursing. The peace making driver shuts both of them up and eventually the driver decides to carry Alhaja Trouble reluctantly.
Whew!!!! I sigh. The battle is over.
Unfortunately, I have spoken too soon.
A lady with two kids, one held in her hand and another strapped to her back is trying to get into the bus.
Another driver is trying to park his bus just beside the lady and decides not to look back while reversing his vehicle. Really??? How do you reverse a vehicle looking forward?
The bus brushes the baby strapped to the back slightly and Alhaja Trouble and Alhaja Peace scream. Trust maternal instincts, we have them in abundance in naija.
The lady immediately unstraps her baby and checks her head and body for any scratches.
The driver gets down from his vehicle and Alhaja Trouble asks that he apologize to the lady. The driver does but the lady is not pacified.
She drags the driver by his shirt as he is about walking away and asks that he acknowledges what he has just done.
Driver: Sèbí mo ti ní ko má bínú. Sé ó yë kín n hug ë ko tó gbà ni? (I have apologized to you. Am I supposed to give you a hug before you accept my apology?)
I am about to burst into laughter but hold back so I don’t become the next point of discourse.
Danfo drivers and their passengers are definitely a comic relief.